Exactly What had been the possibilities things could find yourself violently with me, of course, getting the shitty end between us? Might Trayvon force himself on me personally in a manner that I became unwilling to just accept but struggling to stop?! They were maybe perhaps perhaps not questions that are idle. We thought long and difficult about that, however in the final end i decided that no, he’dn’t do this. Considering exactly exactly what, you ask? Good question — we don’t know.
Another consideration had been, the thing that was Trayvon getting away from this relationship? Obviously, he’d have an intercourse partner and also at minimum some use of my canteen account. We knew he previously simply no cash, and then he knew that I experienced at the very least some cash. Possibly he had been actually attracted to me in which he had been a mooch — an opportunity was represented by me to fulfill both requirements! Ended up being here anything certainly incorrect with this? As of this early phase we told myself that so long as he didn’t get too greedy I became fine to allow him have a soup or even a honey bun as he desired something. Why shouldn’t I reward him for their relationship? All things considered, we endured to obtain one thing from this too — unlike my situation at Swift Annex I’d have jail bad-ass to my part in the event i obtained threatened or harassed.
Did Trayvon have HIV or other STD? Needless to say he said no and said he previously to obtain tested occasionally and blah blah blah. I did son’t press the issue or insist upon seeing the test outcomes. Alternatively I inquired myself — keep in mind, this person ended up being assigned to kitchen responsibility — Would my state’s DOC designate a guy with HIV compared to that type or sort of job? I’d to think the clear answer ended up being no, no way. Other inmates later laughed within my self- confidence in DOC! Also, he wasn’t using any meds — either K.O.P. (“keep on person”) or dose that is single. Consequently we judged him become healthy.
Had been I the actual only real guy he had been striking on or are there other people — either immediately within my dorm or perhaps in your kitchen where he worked sixdays per week? Did we worry about that? A jail dorm is mostly about the smallest amount of personal destination you can live in, thus I could see the majority of Trayvon’s interactions with other people. He previously other buddies, black colored & white. Achieved it appear to be he had been striking on some of those dudes? Response — no. As check my reference to whether we cared, we must’ve cared or I would personallyn’t have already been paying a great deal attention. But we told myself we cared not away from jealousy but because I became nevertheless racking your brains on their motives that are real concerned about getting an STD.
I inquired myself: me unfaithful to my ex-wife with whom I hoped to reconcile when I got out if I do this does that make? Just just What would which means that? We had been divorced!
Could achieving this somehow turn me personally homosexual after a very long time to be right — at minimum because it pertains to grownups? I did son’t understand yet because I experiencedn’t had this experience yet. But we thought — no. I became making a unique exclusion for this “friend with benefits, ” an exception that could end as soon as we finished. We thought, “Trayvon is just an unique situation. What other young black colored dudes may be thinking about a mature white guy? ” To date, i did son’t feel any gayer. I happened to be simply messing around and having some disgusting fun. It absolutely was a jail thing.
Before looking at the possibility advantages Trayvon needed to provide as a “friend with advantagesthat I did not think about ahead of time — although in hindsight I really should have” I need to mention one last rather serious problem! That has been, assume we had been discovered? Assume rumors about us started initially to travel round the dorm simply because I happened to be investing lots of time hanging around Trayvon’s bunk and we’re smiling at each and every other plenty? Exactly just What would we do, if any such thing, to squelch rumors that are such?